So, on disappointment.
We basically have two choices. One: believe the discouragement and despair and hopelessness that results from a door closing. Or, two: look for the door the Lord is opening.
Recently I got some really bummer news that had me seriously disappointed. I’d been praying for it, hoping for it, working for it, and then it came. Yay, it was going to work out! I was giddy for days. I wore my Nasa sweatshirt everywhere because when I'm giddy Nasa is the way to express that. Then, the disappointing moment when I learn that suddenly that door has closed.
In that moment, basically every insecurity, anxiety, or fear I’ve been wrestling with in this season come rushing in. I’m vulnerable, I’m sad, and the enemy saw the opportunity to really slam me when I was taken off guard by my disappointment.
But, I’m not letting this carry on any more. His schemes stole my joy from what had previously been a ridiculously giddy day, and he had my heart fully swallowed by the despair of my disappointment. But not anymore.
Ya, the door closed. It was a door that seemed like it was from God. It was a door that would lead to joy and peace. It was a door I'd worked and prayed for. And it opened for a minute, then slammed shut. And the enemy had his moment while I was taken off guard, but no more.
Another door will open. It will be better than the first. God has not lead me into a dark room with no exit. He has plans for me. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans for a hope and a future.
The enemy reallllllly hates it when we believe that. He hates faith. It’s probably why I’ve been wrestling with my purpose and my calling intensely for the past few weeks. I’ve been plagued with insecure and hopeless thoughts about what I’m called to do and what my gifts are. When I feel all of that ambiguity and cloudiness, I know its the enemy throwing a cloak of discouragement over me. When you're feeling busted but can't put a finger on exactly why, you're probably being attacked. "Take every thought captive." My feelings aren't a wholly reliable indicator of what's actually going on in my heart.
Why? Because God doesn’t deal in insecurity or hopelessness, but I know who does. I know that any oppression of hope in my life has been a special delivery from the enemy, which means I can expect that the door the Lord will open for me soon is a door that the enemy desperately wants me not to enter. Which, by the way, fuels me with fire to press through his attacks and take the shield of faith against his darts of insecurity, despair, and discouragement.
And by the end of this, I’m praising God for my disappointment because I know He makes everything beautiful in its time. I’m also keeping my eyes peeled for that next door because I know a guy who says if I knock on a door enough, it’ll open.
I know God's got all these dang doors taken care of. I'll just keep knocking and keep rocking my Nasa sweatshirt.
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