Today I woke up still tired. I went to bed at 9:45. Slept over 9 hours. My eyes are puffy and the circles underneath them are hugging them real tight with an oh so flattering shade of dark. I feel like no matter what I do, I’m tired. For the past few weeks it’s been impossible to get out of bed and then once I do I’m slumping again in the afternoon, only to push through to 9:30 pm before I tell my poor husband I’ve gotta hit the hay. Whatever, you get the picture: I’m tired. No clue why. Probably stress and lack of Sabbath (there’s a reason God ordained every seventh day to be still - especially for me because when I don’t abide by that rule I slowly start to melt into disorderly efforts at productivity fueled by quarter-hearted motivation).
So I sit on my patio this morning, heavy eyes and all, and just sip my coffee while I watch Bowie continually harass Howie as they frolic in my backyard. It’s 65 degrees, blue skies, and birds are chirping as they enjoy the seed I faithfully provide for them in the feeders. What’s happening in my backyard is totally opposite of what’s happening in my head and it’s medicating my crazy as it sit here doing absolutely nothing. I asked God to speak to me today because I feel like I’m coming up empty. The wind blows, making dapples of light dance through the trees, and I hear him say, “Let me take care of you.”
The wind keeps blowing, the birds keep singing, and I’m thinking about what that means. It’s not an answer to a problem I’m having, it’s not a direction I’m supposed to walk in, it’s just, “let me take care of you.” Classic God. He always says to me, “Be still,” instead of what I want, which would be more like: “Okay do this then do that then cut this out then call this person then do this thing.” I always want God to tell me what to do. But all he ever comes back with is that He wants me to love him and let him fill my heart, thereby fueling my life. “Let me take care of you.”
I write this today because I figure there’s a bunch of you really tired people out there who might need to hear this: Let God take care of you. Only you know how to do that, but it probably requires you quitting something. Maybe quitting doing everything. For me, it means that I sit on my porch and letting my brain be empty as I enjoy God’s presence in my back yard.
Sometimes being still is more productive than being productive.